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Tuesday
Nov032009

1.1 The Skill

Appreciations


There is one aspect of our marriage groups that has been a constant throughout the three decades we have been leading them. We reserve ten minutes for each couple to go off privately and appreciate each other. For five minutes the first person finishes this phrase with as many examples as they can think of. No response is necessary from the person being appreciated. Just let it soak in. Then the other person takes a turn. Almost without exception everyone comes back to the group feeling more connected, calmer and ready to be present as a couple, regardless of how stressed and irritated they may have felt when they first walked in the door. If you have trouble thinking of things you appreciate about your partner, try some of these phrases....

  • Something you did recently for me that I appreciate is...
  • Something you did long ago for me that I appreciate is....
  • Something you do regularly for me that I appreciate is...
  • A spiritual quality that you have that I appreciate is...
  • Something about your looks that I appreciate is...
  • Something you do for others that I appreciate is...
  • Something that you have worked hard at that I appreciate is...
  • Something that you have a gift for that I appreciate is...
  • Something that I appreciate you not doing is...
  • Something you did with other people that I appreciate is...
  • Something that you do all by yourself that I appreciate is...
  • Something in your character that I appreciate is...
  • A quality that you have that I am lacking that I appreciate is...
  • Something that you said to me that I appreciate is...
  • Something I told you before that I still appreciate is...