2.1 The Skill
Filling Your Love Bank
One of the differences between dating couples and people who have been married for a while is the amount of time they devote to enjoying each other. This is certainly not our intention going into marriage, but rather is the fallout of being part of a culture that expects you to go to work, feed your children and vacuum the floor. Yet we can change that. What is more, it is my experience that the change is not as difficult or time consuming as we allow ourselves to believe.
This week start by telling stories as a group about times you enjoyed together... go back in history, or as recently as this morning when you paused to hug before life grabbed you by the arm and threw you out the door. After a warm glow has descended on the people in the room, give them paper and pencil and set them to work. Make four lists... things that are mutually enjoyable to do together that take one minute, that take 5 minutes, that take an hour and that take half a day or more. If people have a blankness about them give them some ideas to start from.
Tell a joke
Long, lingering kiss
Sit on his lap
Play a favorite song or sing it
Dance in the living room
Watch a funny You Tube
Look at your photos
Hold hands
Look at the sky
Look at your sleeping children
Appreciate each other
Make love
Smile deeply
Tickle
Wrestle
Light a candle and sit together
Sneak some chocolate
Walk outside
Look at your garden
Find something growing
Neck massage
Pray
Read the Word
Read a funny book
Lay on the hammock
Leave a romantic message on each other's phone
Write a loving email to each other
Go out for ice cream
Make brownies together
Shower together
Play slap jack
Have a staring contest
Play charades
Draw a picture with one pencil and two hands
Then challenge them to make a plan for when in the week they are going to do these things. Offer a prize for anyone who accomplishes 21 things in a week. As the marriage group progresses, take breaks for them to quickly do one of the sixty second things on their list. The more you do this, the more they will develop a habit. The Book Conjugial Love begins with the word, "Delight" and frankly, happiness is the carrot that drew most of us into this covenant to begin with. It is merely the relentless roar of more urgent things that stifles that original and essential goal.
Being in a room where married couples are enjoying each other, laughing and smiling is good for you. Too often we are in the presence of sit coms where marriage is devalued, or at parties where the men talk over here and the women gather over there. The simple magic that happens when we are in the sphere of marriage delight fills a void that many of us are hungry for. Show in no uncertain terms that enjoying your spouse is nourishing and easily available.