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Wednesday
Jul222009

Nuts in a Shell

nuts in a shell

I love to imagine the scene around the discovery of the inside of a nut. Did it happen by accident? Did someone say to a friend, “I wonder if there is something yummy inside this hard thing?”

Did other people doubt the discovery? “Right, there may have been something sweet inside YOUR nut but not mine.” In any event time and experience have shown over the centuries that indeed, every nut is worth cracking.

I like the analogy to marriage here. Sometimes we feel like our husband or wife is simply too hard and unreachable. It is not worth the effort to find out how they think and feel, and we can't find the tools to open them up anyway. So we lose precious intimacy, two uncracked nuts, side by side.

Take some time to really open up to each other. Believe that your partner has things to say that will enrich you, impact you, sweeten your experience of life. But this does take some willingness to be vulnerable, some willingness to work.

One simple communication tool includes several steps. Look at each other. Hold hands. Breathe. Remember your shared history. Dream of your future together. Then take turns talking, without any interruptions. Expect your partner to need encouragement. Help him or her to feel safe with you. Enjoy the pauses, like the spaces between the leaves of trees. Breathe again. It is so easy. It is so hard. It is so rare, and of such enormous worth. Crack this nut and enjoy the soft sweetness inside. Let your partner feed you with his or her simple goodness.